Family dynamics are emotionally and physically draining when there is strain, especially when that strain is generational and psychosomatic. By nature we are susceptible to upholding family members to much higher standards and expectations — even when they fall substantially and consistently short. Primarily this stems from the immediate reliance upon them during our developmental stages where we are immensely dependent on them for that care, guidance and protection.
We are inherently biased into believing that our blood relatives are unconditionally dependable, loving and forgiving. We tend to believe that family is inherently good, moral and just. Oftentimes our experiences with them is in stark conflict with such noble notions that coincidentally predetermine our fate.
I constantly remind myself that whether those experiences are good or bad that these kinfolks are just plain folks at the end of the day. That familial-ness is merely a collective choice driven by the intensity and degree of shared values that come to define that love and devotion in kinship.
Much too often that kinship is desecrated. Such violations resulting from incestuous taboos, sibling or non-sibling rivalries, absurd loyalties or expendable disloyalties not only break down the interconnectedness of family, they can have adverse effects beyond the scope of families into personal and extended relationships.
Boy, when I hear or read about incestuous rape it sends an ill-feeling of depravity down by spine. These criminally immoral actions and behaviors are predicated on the insensitive belief and motivated ignorance of thinking it is a victimless crime shrouded by an illogical doubt of consent having occurred. Nah!🤨 The sanctity of familial bonds have been broken leaving other members of family to become infected with distrust and dismay and to an embarrassing extent hiding or holding family secrets that have yet to be atoned.
I can’t say that I have a family like George W. Bush has. Our lives and families diverge dramatically from that of privilege and wealth. The social constructs that we have been fated to serve more to destroy the familial bonds rather than strengthen them. If it hasn’t inspired unhealthy competitiveness it has conjured indifference or selfishness. My family is primarily made up of an entrepreneurial bunch going back generations. Suffice it to say we do not enjoy Carnegie, Vanderbilt, Rockefeller, nor Kennedy status even though there are many credentialed members who make up my clan. That productivity is wasted on capitalists who undermine and underpay. Every Horatio Alger story we have ended in disaster because of distrust and infighting.
We fail to recognize that our greatest assets is our own network. As a family in this regard we are an epic failure and we are constantly reminded of this during our biannual get togethers where there is visibly awkward forming cliques. 😖🙁
Although nothing as devastating as what you shared as happened in my family to my knowledge it is discerning and disappointing how easy it is to destroy families and taint human beings.
Thanks for sharing Marley K.and never give up on the sanctity and power of love.