“Therefore, when facing the world, black men are often required to raise or lower certain aspects of their personality depending on their immediate situation. This can lead to black men, at least on a subconscious level, conflicting with their own system of beliefs.”
Tre L. Loadholt
This is really heart-opening stuff Ms. Tre L. Loadholt. What you doing to me right here with this? LOL
Do you know what my problem is?
I’ve been walking around this earth acting like no one can tell me nothin’. I thought that I was one step ahead of whiteness. I thought that everybody was trying to one up me or thought that they were thinking that they better than me. As wisdom begain to seep in I started to realize that everyone around me was thinking the same thing, even about me. Or at least that is what some have intimated to me privately.
I am like every hard working, trying to make a decent living and wanting to be content person out there. I am surely not an anomaly. I go through many downs and very few ups. And I am surely not an anomaly. I get overlooked, undermined, and underestimated. And I am surely not an anomoly. I go through some thangs. But I am not an anomaly. I used to carry this burden and kept it to myself thinking I am alone in my struggle. I was wrong. We are decidedly all alone in this struggle.
You know I looked at this I immediately saw myself in this rendering and thought “I bet you the white people are more terrified at the fate of the dogs rather than for my fate…as a fellow human being, and a fellow American.
I am constantly conflicted with how much I should believe in myself — in how others will take it or not take it, and confront me on it, or try to strip me of any belief in myself that I have left. People have actually profited or benefitted from me being conflicted like this, as I sit here damn near penniless.
I can’t seem to shake free from this burden.
I know what my problem is and I can’t seem to do anything about it.