This is really heart-opening stuff Ms. Tre L. Loadholt. What you doing to me right here with this? LOL

Do you know what my problem is?

I’ve been walking around this earth acting like no one can tell me nothin’. I thought that I was one step ahead of whiteness. I thought that everybody was trying to one up me or thought that they were thinking that they better than me. As wisdom begain to seep in I started to realize that everyone around me was thinking the same thing, even about me. Or at least that is what some have intimated to me privately.

I am like every hard working, trying to make a decent living and wanting to be content person out there. I am surely not an anomaly. I go through many downs and very few ups. And I am surely not an anomaly. I get overlooked, undermined, and underestimated. And I am surely not an anomoly. I go through some thangs. But I am not an anomaly. I used to carry this burden and kept it to myself thinking I am alone in my struggle. I was wrong. We are decidedly all alone in this struggle.

Image for post
Image for post

You know I looked at this I immediately saw myself in this rendering and thought “I bet you the white people are more terrified at the fate of the dogs rather than for my fate…as a fellow human being, and a fellow American.

I am constantly conflicted with how much I should believe in myself — in how others will take it or not take it, and confront me on it, or try to strip me of any belief in myself that I have left. People have actually profited or benefitted from me being conflicted like this, as I sit here damn near penniless.

I can’t seem to shake free from this burden.

I know what my problem is and I can’t seem to do anything about it.

It appears the more that I write the better I perceive.

Get the Medium app

A button that says 'Download on the App Store', and if clicked it will lead you to the iOS App store
A button that says 'Get it on, Google Play', and if clicked it will lead you to the Google Play store