To say that you have tried is an understatement. You haven’t given up per se as much as you have merely just given in to the vagaries and nuances of aspects of the human condition.
I pray that your son has an epiphany some day and truly turns his life around for the better. And may the rest of your children live long and prosperous lives. As for you, Marley keep being and doing you. You are an exceptional mother.
I want to caution anyone who feels that there is a prescription for this phenomena with certain children. There is none. There is no quick fix. There is just trial and error. Let us all disabuse ourselves from thinking that somewhere, somehow, something went wrong with parenting. If this were the case then what miraculous cure did children with less than decent parents or lack of parenting at all have had in their opposing attitudes and behaviors. I know and have met countless who have gone on to become well rounded and regarded citizens. Some have prospered to and attained great status in life.
What I am going to theorize here is that there is a cultural influence at play here that acts like a virus affecting many but not all who are susceptible to such deleterious influences. This has been overlooked and oversimplified. American society actually glorifies malignant teenage behaviors and incentivizes them in ways that are counterintuitive. While it is true that some have seemingly gone on to have become successfully rogue at whatever it is that they do, in the long run it is unsustainable and remarkably regrettable. The rebellious-anarchist streak of motivated ignorance is oftentimes immune from or has greater influence than you think with discouraging traditional family values and morally ethical behaviors. Especially when it appears that you can’t get rich from it.
Therein lies the problem and I will leave it at this for the moment. I applaud you for sharing your experience. It is a cognitive gift that is invaluable and its effect is worth more than a thousand words.